i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
there is puke in my bra ... again
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
