He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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