A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
