I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
As shirtless as possible
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
