You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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