I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
