My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
