Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
