thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
a search helicopter?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
