So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
