so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
