so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
