Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
