She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
