Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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