I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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