Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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