Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
