Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
