If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
