we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
