pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so let's talk penis.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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