I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
