I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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