I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
