Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
