I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
