Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
