Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
