I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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