Walk of Shame. In a state park.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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