I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
