My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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