i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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