There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
