So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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