when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
