How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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