Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
