get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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