We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
