Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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