i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
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just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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