Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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