And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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