we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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