Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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