there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
