Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
handjob tips. give me some.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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