i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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