Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
