I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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