I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
