i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
