does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
