Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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