the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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