Will you blow on my dice?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
