you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
