Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
