I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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