She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
