I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
