did you get engaged???
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
