I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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