How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
