If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
