I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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