Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
