also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
