I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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