Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
