im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
