I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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