My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
